My New Plan for Belgian Citizenship

Starting on February 7, Belgium will be issuing a new passport design. It includes a comics theme.

Screw your NFTs and your CGCs and your POGs — this is the ultimate comics collectible! It’s a steal at only 65 euros.

Yes, sure, it will also contain all sorts of new security provisions that are important to the country of Belgium and the larger European Union, but we’re just here to talk about the comics. I’m focused like that (most of the time).

Design elements will be brought into the passport from The Smurfs, Tintin, Lucky Luke, Spirou, Marsupilami, Largo Winch, and others.

It will instantly be the coolest passport in the world, bar none. (Others may look cool, but they’re not comics-themed.)

How Do I Get a Belgian Passport?

You need to be a Belgian citizen.

That’s how passports work.

Or, you need to be one of those characters on a movie or TV show who knows a guy who can bring you a bag full of passports from every nation that you’ll need to get around the world. I am not a character on “Alias”, so I don’t know any of those people. That’s out.

(Apologies for the 20-year-old TV show reference, but it was a very good show.)

How Do I Become a Belgian Citizen?

Let’s look at my more realistic options, as seen on the official Brussels, Belgium website:

Family Links

There is a provision that allows you to get Belgian citizenship if your family is from Belgium.

Unfortunately, I’m a generation off. They only let you go back one generation. It needs to be your parents who are Belgian citizens, and even then there are some catches.

It was my paternal grandparents who came to America 100 years ago. Here’s my grandfather’s entry in the logs at Ellis Island, which I originally showed off in my “Asterix in Belgium” review:

Somehow, I don’t think they’re going to let me into the exclusive Club Belgium based on this artifact.

Spouse

I can marry a Belgian woman.

I’m already married, though, and she’s also an American. Inconvenient.

I don’t think she’d appreciate it if I married another woman, particularly for this purpose. That’s how episodes of “48 Hours” usually start…

Naturalized Citizen

That leaves us with the good old-fashioned way.

It’s also a very long term play.

For starters, I need to live and work in Belgium for at least five years. I’d need to find a job there with an employer, preferably one who can help with the paperwork. I’d need to hold on to that job for five years.

(Hold on while I look up the jobs section on Dupuis’ website…)

Wait, there’s a possible workaround there. Looking at the Belgian Immigration Office’s page, I see that “self-employed” is an option for a work visa that’s called a “Professional Card.” You can click down for a further clarification on what “Self Employed” means, but that section of the website is under development. I’m guessing that’s a relatively new addition that they’re still sorting out a definition for.

I’d also have to get my residency requirements sorted out. I’d also need to register myself in the population register, so the country knows I’m living there and counts me properly.

After that, I’d need to prove my fluency in one of the country’s three languages: Dutch, German, or French. (Imagine the outrage in America if you had to prove your fluency in English…)

I recently passed Day 750 on DuoLingo, so let’s assume I’ll hit the French requirement at some point in the next 1825 days or so. It’ll take some work, but living there would certainly help. Immersion always does.

There’s also a clause about “showing social integration and participation in economic life”. The latter isn’t a problem. I’m sure I’d spend lots of money at the local comic shops. I’m covered there.

But “social integration”? That might be a problem. I’m kind of anti-social. I actually like working from home and not seeing people all day.

I do, however, have a dietary issue with just how much I enjoy frites. Culturally, I think I’ll fit in just fine.

I also see a requirement to be familiar with Belgian law, but I think that’s just the basics of not murdering anyone and not pirating Smurfs comics. I can handle that.

Cultural Exemption

Wait! There is a slight shortcut!

I can apply for naturalization if I —

“–have proven or be able to prove exceptional merits in the scientific, sporting or socio-cultural fields and, as a result, be able to make a particular contribution to the international influence of Belgium”

There’s my fast track!

Hey, if they’re putting Tintin’s rocket on their passports, certainly I can live in Belgium to review their comics and add to the spread of Belgian culture in the English-speaking world!

The website says the process can last up to two years. Does that mean I need to live in country for two years first? Or that I can submit right away, but it might take them two years to review my application? I’m not sure.

Either way, I’d start by subscribing to “Spirou Journal” while I have a local address and don’t have to pay international shipping rates. Maybe I should find a place in Charleroi so I can be closer to them?

But, yeah, I think being a comics influencer is the new fast track to Belgian citizenship and that prized passport that I’d probably only ever use to head over to France for more comics and Parc Asterix trips.

Conclusion

They’re nice passports. I’m happy for my Belgian friends. Send me some pictures.

And if someone at the Belgian Consulate wants to discuss honorary citizenship, call me. I can be over there in an hour or so. Maybe we can work out a deal for an honorary passport! (Really, just write “void” on the inside front cover and we’ll be good, I’m sure. No way this could cause an international incident…)